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Inglis pitinglis - Taller de inglés para Umbrianos

Feedback of Biweekly task 1- Introduction

Cargando editor
27/07/2016, 19:58
Sofía

I´ll try to help you with it, but overall it´s very good!
By the way, congrats in your succeeded Cambridge exam!! :)
 

Hello, everyone!

I am Mooneyes, and I am 26 years old. I am a lawyer (well, I am trying to be, but I don’t have any job, so I have found ["I have been searching" or "I have been looking for"] it for three years without luck), and I like a lot Criminal Law. Due to that, I studied a Master’s Degree in Criminal Law. It was awesome, and, now, as I wanted to be more specific, and due to the fact that I keep ["I´m still"] unemployed, I am studying another Master’s Degree: Peace, Security and Defense. My favorite subject was International Humanitarian Law, and I would love a job in International Criminal Court, NATO, NU["UN"], or wherever, but, as our economic situation is, well, you know, awful, I would conform myself with a job which lets["will let"] me survive, and pay the bills.

I have studied English since I was seven, and, until now, I didn’t have any certificate. The Last Friday, Cambridge said["communicated"] me that I had passed the First Exam, so I am very happy. Now, I study to get CAE (Advanced exam) orTOFLE ["TOEFL"]… I haven’t decided yet.

I study English because I think it’s my last obstacle to get a job. Nowadays, we need English, although that doesn’t like us["we don´t like it"], so I think I have to study it, improve it and get a good job.

And, I think that’s it.

Notas de juego

I´ll explain it to make the corrections clear for everyone:

Have found >> In the context of the sentence, that means that you already have a job when you said you don´t. The type of "buscar" that you should use is "To search" (I´m searching in the index of the book) or "To look for" (I´m looking for my book, did you see it somewhere?).
Keep >> Used when you hold or keep something in your possession. "I´m still" stands for "Yo todavía estoy".
NU >> It´s "UN" and stands for United Nations.
Lets >> If you said that "You would conform..." (Conditional tense, not Present tense), all the sentence should be in the same one or at least in Future tense, that´s why it should be "Will let".
The >> That type of expression ("Last month", "last week", "last year"...) doesn´t start with article.
Said >>Only used if it´s in a verbal communication (face to face, by phone). If it was written you could say "wrote", but to make it wider, if you say "Communicated", it could be verbally (face to face, by phone) or in writing (letter, e-mail).
TOFLE >> I think it was a typo, right? ;) The right acronym is TOEFL, as you know

Note: I just making this because is the first but I´m not perfect, neither I am an English native speaker.

Cargando editor
27/07/2016, 20:05
Mooneyes

Uau, Sofia, thank you so much *.* I have to improve my English (all we can see that XDXDXDXD). Thank you for your time ^^

Cargando editor
27/07/2016, 22:19
Tingwe

@Mooneyes

Sofia´s corrections are spot on I believe. A few more:

and I like a lot Criminal Law => I like Criminal Law a lot [word order]

I wanted to be more specific => do you mean "more specialized"? Suggestion: I wanted to specialize further

I would conform myself => it´s OK, but sounds a lot like a direct translation. There are better phrasal words for this

with a job which lets me survive, and pay the bills => with a job which allows me to survive and pays the bills [verb tense]. Also the suggestion let <> allow to , but both are acceptable

communicated me => communicated to me / informed me / told me / let me know

 

Notas de juego

sorry for the short explanations, any questions let me know

edited as I was anonymous :)

Cargando editor
28/07/2016, 07:32
Tingwe

@akansha

Nice one! This first task gives an idea of our level of English, and obviously we all come from different backgrounds. I can find very little to comment on the grammar or vocabulary, it all looks good to me :)

I´m off to work now, but these two items are maybe worth a look:

none of them => as it refers to a school or school year, > none of those
(otherwise it could be understood as if the children were never at the same school!)

appropriately => properly ... OK, I probably should look this one up. But "appropriate" sounds to me like "acceptable" in the sense of not being inappropriate, rude or obscene. I think the word you are looking for here is "properly" as in "correct" or "adequate". I could be wrong though, so don´t take just my word for it.

Cargando editor
28/07/2016, 08:01
Sofía

Thank you very much indeed for the compliment :)

Yes, the ones you spotted as well.

You do have to be aware of the verb tense and use the same in the whole sentence, also pay attention to the final "-s" of the 3rd person.

We do all have to learn in life, it´s a question of time and effort, but you doing really well!!

Cargando editor
28/07/2016, 17:50
Mooneyes

Thank you for the feedback :DDDD 

Tingwe, saecel and akansha... Oww O.O You, guys, are so good in English *.* Thank you for your time and your writings. They are awesome *.* 

Only one thing, despite I love your writing, saecel, your English is American English, so I would like say that if there are people who want to pass Cambridge Exams, Cambridge would rather British English than American; and examinators could take some words incorrectly, if we write, for example, "color" instead of "colour", "realize" instead "realise"... I hope you understand what I mean ^^ In fact, if you want, guys, we can discuss this topic ^^ 

Cargando editor
28/07/2016, 19:20
Tortugokamikaze

The current assignment would be more of an introduction than a presentation, right? Presentation should not be applicable here (false friend).

I found absolutely no mistakes in Tingwe's and akansha's posts. (The slight ones pointed out already from akansha's post escaped my grasp). Mooneyes' has also been taken care of, so... on to saecel's I guess:

I've enjoyed my daily living and working in English --> I would phrase this otherwise... either "I've enjoyed my daily life and my job in English" or "I've enjoyed living and working in English daily". Maybe even simpler than that: "I've enjoyed my daily life working in English". Let hear what others think about this one.

Only another one, this one not so gramatical as "being true to the source":

And now, for something completely different... :P

Still loved the reference, don't hate me. Good job, mate.

Notas de juego

Now that I've run out of corrections, I guess I should work on making MY introduction xD

 

PD: Scientist and Monty Python fan... we're bound to do great things Saecel...

Cargando editor
28/07/2016, 19:51
Tingwe

@Kuroe

Here we go, again I have to be quick...

*careful with the capital letters. I know this is not a grammar test, but "i am", english, weekdays, etc. are written in capital letters

student of high school => high school student

for something i have to start => I have to start with something

*spelling: frist, mounth (probably typos don´t worry)

typic => this one is actually used "typical" in English. It´s an adverb.

my hobbies are + (-ing) => playing video games, watching anime

"friki" is not an English word hehehe... "Freak?"

entrain => train

say me => tell me

Cargando editor
28/07/2016, 20:04
Mooneyes

 I'm in possession of a Cambridge Advance Certificate (C1) but I passed with enough grade to make it "equivalent" to a Proficiency (C2)

Owww, so cool :DDD Tortugo, your writing is awesome ^^ I would love writing as you do (and Tingwe, saecel, and everyone who have a good level) :DD 

I learned a lot reading your task, and I think it is perfect (I don't know if there are mistakes, sorry) ^^ Good job :D

*careful with the capital letters. I know this is not a grammar test, but "i am", english, weekdays, etc. are written in capital letters

Kuroe, what Tingwe says is important ^^ English people are so egocentric that they need put the first person in capital letters: I, I, I, I XDXDXDXD Don't worry ^^ You did this the first time, and then you can make it :DDD

Thank you for your time, guys ^^ All of you :DDD

Cargando editor
28/07/2016, 20:15
Tingwe

@Tortugokamikaze

OK, after reading yours my first thought was "what the **** is he doing here?" :) Same for saecel , but he has made clear his ulterior motive involving secret Role-Playing Related Unknown Activities (RPRUA) in the future... Anyways, flawless writing and fun to read also.

The only thing that I could find that sounded a bit weird was this:

almost none had translations to Spanish

I mean, it´s acceptable, but the construction sounds a bit forced if you know what I mean. I´d say something like "almost none (or very few) were translated into Spanish" or "had been translated into"

Maybe I´m just splitting hairs here :)

Cheers,

Cargando editor
29/07/2016, 00:46
Sofía

^^ English people are so egocentric that they need put the first person in capital letters: I, I, I, I" >> Obviously you are the most important person for yourself, without you none and nothing exist, id est, the "Cogito ergo sum" (I´m back in time to 1596) when René Descartes, French and not English by the way, threw this to the table, philosophically speaking of course :).

Cargando editor
29/07/2016, 12:38
Tortugokamikaze

Well Tingwe, (I assume it is you). As I said in the Offtopic I'm here to get involved in English-based games, and also to help and correct people that are looking for advice as much as I'm able to. I'm a helping hand! ^^

I don't expect my English to improve, but at least this helps keeping it sharp. Besides, having people around of the same or higher level makes me keep my guard up, so I don't go back to certain mannerisms I have perceived appearing in my English recently.

I agree the "translations" part is readily rephrasable into something less forced, as you proposed.

Going on... @SeHiiO

Years ago, when I finished Collegue. I did a degree in Early Childhood Education. --> Seems like just a typo, "." instead of ",". If I'm too picky, tell me.

 I would never have spected --> Expected

I went first to Ireland, I was interested in improving my english and I saved some money one summer working in a Pub in my village which is in Toledo. --> Several things. Regarding punctuation marks, I'm not too sure if my way would be 100% correct but I would put it like this: "I went first to Ireland. I was interested in improving my English and I saved some money one summer working in a pub in my village, which is in Toledo." The second phrase seems separate from the first one, even if they are somehow related, hence the period. Another option would be to say "I went first to Ireland, as I was interested in improving my English, so I saved some money...". Comma before the Toledo part due to it being an additional clarification. Keep an eye out for the capital E in English, though I think it was just a slip, since you use it ok in the rest of the text. No need for capital P in pub.

an offer in internet --> an offer on the Internet. For everyone, when in doubt about using "in the Internet / on the Internet", just remember that things are online, on the web, etc.

(and still have this days) --> and still has these days.     You have, Spain (it) has. Since days is a plural, it's these and not this.

the first journey in your live --> An e slipped for love, and also a comma somewhere before this phrase, but don't wanna point out all the little things... first journey in your life. You live, but you have a life, so in these kind of sentences, it's usually life.

I found that I could be an Au-Pair --> I think in this case you should use found out, because you didn't find something physically, you found out about something abstract.

Then I saw that I could --> I, myself, am the first to recognize having used saw in this way more often than not, but I think it is not correct (or at least not fully). I would use "I realised"

taking care from --> In this case you are taking care of someone. I don't think take care from exists, really.

But it didn´t least --> It didn't last

tripets who were 2 months --> triplets who were 2 months old

I don't know if your last phrase is correct or not, and I'm thinking some mystical way to say that about the future but I can't seem to find the words xD Anyway, quite an interesting life you've had. Welcome aboard.

Notas de juego

@SeHiiO It may seem like I've corrected a lot of things, but I do feel your English is pretty good, don't be discouraged, keep up the good work.

I have no clue on what a "creche" is. Care to explain? Thanks =)

Also explain what a woofer is, if you are so kind xD

Cargando editor
29/07/2016, 17:43
Mooneyes

SeHiio, I love your writing *.* It's so good :D Only one thing (because Tortugo said already a lot of things ^^- thank you, by the way, for your feedback :D). When you said:

I was interested in improving my English

It's wonderful the gerund after a phrasal verb that you put, but I think it is "interested on" not "interested in" ^^ I think :)  Edit: I just read another thing and I saw "interest in", so, sorry, SeHiio ^^

Cargando editor
30/07/2016, 13:25
Sekiito

Hello again guys and thanks for the correction. I really apreciate that. 

I saw that as Tortugo said here I wrote a few things that I have never explained. That happens to me a lot. I write and write and never think in the people who is going to read it. Another example of that is when I talk about how I decided to go to Ireland after saving money working in a pub. 

So now I am going to explain two things from my text that people may don´t know about.

Creche: Of course you may not know this word because it is a french word. And why did I write a french word in a English text?. Ok. First I will let you know the meaning of this word. A creche is a place where small children go before school what we call a "guarderia" in spanish. At the moment I do know only 2 words for this meaning, Creche and Kindergarden. Kindergarden is an english word which comes from the German one Kindergarten. I was living in Ireland 3 years and I was confused about which word is better to use. There I heard the word creche most of the times, so that is the reason I use it instead of Kindergarden.

Woofer: This word probably is in any dictionary. It is like a new word that means something new. One of the most funny things of this word is that it comes from the sound Woof which is the English writting sound of the dogs. The meaning of this word is completly different, nothing about dogs. Woofing is a volunteer job in a foreign country where you help in a farm and live with the family who owns the farm. The purposes of this job is learning a new language or living a new experience in another culture. As it is a volunteer job you get not paid but the family which you are living with provide you a place to live and food.

Cargando editor
01/08/2016, 17:38
Mooneyes

Owww, thank you, Sekiito for the explanations *.* I love that :DDD 

And, thank you, Trevor, variam, ERTYWERT and milady for your writings ^^ They are amazing and cool :DDD I would like say something about I think they are mistakes, but I am not an expert, so I hope someone can help me if I am wrong ^^

Trevor, I think this:

I hate that every single word I write appears underlined in red XD, it feels like I didn't write anything properly.

I think the tense would be in present, not past ^^ I guess it makes sense, but I think it's better in present ^^ But, maybe I am wrong :) XD

The second thing is this:

 I'm studing aeroespacial enginery in madrid. I've been studing english

This words needs capital letter. You should remember this, because it's easy to remember, and easy to get a mistake in an exam, and it would be a pity D:

Another thing:

 I really would like to watch

When you have "would + like", you don't have to put "to" ^^ It's pure grammar, and, don't worry, these things about verb patterns are awful >.< XDXDXDD

But, in general, I like a lot :DDDD 

variam, your writing is pretty good ^^ I saw a couple of things, not important ^^ 

when I was 12 years old my worse subject was a english

worse is the comparative, you need, then, the word "than", but I think, you wanted to say "la peor", the superlative, so the superlative of "worse" is "worst" ^^ And, again, like Trevor, capital letter in English ^^ The name of the lenguages goes in capital letters ^^

this subject was the only thay

I don't understand this word ^^ Can you explain it to me? ^^ 

I can not pass in first, second ant third of high school 

I think this would be in past, wouldn't it? ^^

 the differents gadgets on the class didnt allow that I listened correctly the exam...and I felling fear...I dont know

This is important, because you use a super informal words, and maybe you would have to aboid them ^^ Please, it's important the apostrophe ^^ When you take an exam, examinator will see that, and they are very fancy XDXDXDXD They love this kind of things :P XDXDXDXD

Don't worry, variam ^^ You did these things ^^ But, the next time, you will do it better :))))

ERTYWERT, your writing is awesome ^^ It's good for me :) Maybe, the "pro" people in English can find some mistake, but I couldn't ^^ Congratulations! :DDD

milady, the same :)))) You did a great writing ^^ And I would like emfhasize this sentence:

I like taking photos of my environment, not only landscapes but even beautiful graffities on walls

Great sentence ^^ The our "no sólo... sino también/incluso" was a more useful things I learnt, so it's amazing how you put in your writing, because it's more for essays or things like that ^^ And I like a lot because people who didn't know, they do now :DDD Thanks a lot :DDDD

And, that's it :)))) 

Thanks, everybody ^^ 

Cargando editor
02/08/2016, 09:13
ERTYWERT

~~ERTYWERT, your writing is awesome ^^ It's good for me :) Maybe, the "pro" people in English can find some mistake, but I couldn't ^^ Congratulations! :DDD

Nice!!!

 

Cargando editor
02/08/2016, 09:44
Milady

@Trevor: I'm studing aeroespacial enginery in madrid

Mooneyes forgot to correct a little thing. I think in English you're studying Aerospace Engineering.

Verbs ending in -Y maintain the -Y and add -ING on this form: study->studying,  carry->carrying,  try->trying

I've learned the expression "aerospace engineering" watching The Big Bang Theory in English XD

@Mooneyes: You did a great writing ^^ And I would like emfhasize this sentence

Wow, thanks a lot! I really like the good mood and the explanations of everyone here to correct each other. That's positive reinforcement, really important to keep learning and improving our English ^_^

 

Cargando editor
02/08/2016, 20:36
saecel

as Game Master

Actually, the correct term would be Dungeon Master (DM) ^^

Also, FYI for y'all now that soon we'll be playing some games in English:

PC (Player Character) = PJ

NPC (Non-Player Character) = PNJ