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Intracom

Strike Force: Valhalla [UNSF] (Chapter ONE)

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27/02/2011, 20:15
Dannii Frye (engineer)

The doors by the bouncers open suddenly let it in a gush of fresh air, with it comes a beautiful young girl hitting the buttons of a small electronic device. She arrives late, but she always do. With her eyes fixed on the display she makes some fun noises and gestures as a result of her concentration, while crossing the bar toward the barman. With her careless stride, she collides with one of the UN officers who are heading to the restroom. The man gives her both an apology and a compliment, but the girl just resumes her balance and continues on her way. Then the officer puts his eyes at her precious bum and makes some gestures to the table where his partners begin a loud gabble.

Once at the bar the girl takes a chair and asks the barman for a shot. Liquor is poured in small cup to rim while the girl traches a perfect place to take a break from the game. She takes the cup and downs it in one gulp. Then she turns and glances at the people around her. Some of them seem familiar, but for now she is content ordering another shot and continues with her saved game.

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27/02/2011, 22:09
Jason Taverner

The two bouncers stare at the man entering at the place. The reason is that he´s taller (and bigger) than any of them. He also seems to be a thug because of his hard features partially covered by a big moustache.

Jason Taverner goes through the doors without any complaint from both bouncers. The man, dressed like a civilian is looking for any familiar faces, but it seems that he doesn´t find any.

This is a mistake.
Thinks Jason. I shouldn´t be here.
He takes a look to the clock on the wall opposite to the bar. And I´m fucking late...

Then he goes right to the barman and ask for mineral water, for taking two pills. His headache is getting worse and worse tonight.
Sitting next to him there´s a young girl, playing some portable game. Jason looks for a second at her. She´s cute, but she seems like a child in comparison with his height.

Buff... don´t think about it. Do you remember why are you here? You have to fix this misunderstanding.

Jason asks the barman about Sgt. Chard. Maybe he knows him...

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27/02/2011, 22:24
Shane McArthur

Shane hands the pilot, Helena, a chair and then calls over to the large man who just entered.

"[color=#0000FF]Say Buddy, we're all here waiting on the Sergeant as well - why don't you pull up a chair and join us.[/color]"

He then addresses everyone assembled telling them what he knows about the security trouble at the Tri-plan research station. "[color=#0000FF]Looks like about the right size for an investigation team don't you think?[/color]"

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27/02/2011, 22:43
Director

Frye realizes that the last save is gone. It must have been deleted when that officer bumped in to her.

Notas de juego

Great post. I like the in-character feel. Not the starndard "I sit and wait..."

However, would you like me to correct some minor flaws in the spelling? I understand what you write but believe you want to learn to get better. Take this as constructive critique. If you feel I should leave it as it is, I will.

Just here to help.

Over and out!

Cargando editor
27/02/2011, 23:12
Jason Taverner

Taverner approaches to the table and takes a seat near the man who has called him, joining the other people. The chair is uncomfortable. Too small.

He stares at the others, they look like military, and that makes him feel nervous.

I´m Jason Taverner. Professor Taverner, in fact. Consultant in geological matters for Tri Plan Enterprises...

And I´m not sure why am I here. I´m a civilian, a scientist. I have no experience working in the field, I should be an external consultant, nothing more...

Cargando editor
28/02/2011, 00:52
Dannii Frye (engineer)
Sólo para el director

Notas de juego

Ill be glad if you do so... but i dont want to bother you with this, ill try to improve my grammar, sorry. :p

Cargando editor
28/02/2011, 00:56
Shane McArthur

Shane shakes his hand, "[color=#0000FF]Hey pleased to meet you, Shane McArthur. Well I'd bet that once we get down there you'll be far more useful than a grunt like me![/color]"

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28/02/2011, 10:12
Mario de Gusmão

Mario arrives silently.

He's been late because of a neverending phone call to his mother, the brazilian widow of a fisher from Madeira who dissapeared on a sea storm several years ago. Now, everytime he calls her, she's trying to convince him about the convenience of marrying his girlfriend. He hasn't had the courage to tell her that they split just a week before he volunteered for this Anctartic mission.

She never understood the benefits that this asignement will gave him, his military career will greatly benefit of this, not for talking about being paid four times the ordinary salary while on duty. Maybe 6 months is too much waiting time, specially when the relationship was previously damaged by another 6 months on duty on the NATO Angola Earthquake Relief Mission.

Anyway, there's nothing he can do now, as her father said "The sea is full of fishes", probably he'll find another girl when he got back to his beloved Madeira to serve on the Funchal headquarter he's asigned to.

He walks silently as he orders a cup of tea with a cloud of milk and enough extra sugar to feed all the ants on the Amazon Jungle.

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28/02/2011, 12:30
Helena Zajic

I payed attention to Professor Taverner's speech. I can undertand that he is feeling somewhat "out of place" in this military area and under the martial regulations. I feeled also the same when my company's services started to be hired to the UN military forces. But you get used to be under a martial law. In the army, some of the people are OK, like Shane for instance, but some of then are not at all. In fact I appretiate there is some civilians joining the crew.

I gave him a brief smile. Ms. Vázquez just told us something about Tri Plan, but I do not want to tell so much until the sergeant Chard appears. In fact the sergeant should be responsive to inform us all.

[color=#800080]Professor Taverner, I think we are here to help your company. Your company seems to need us and thus we are called into this meeting. Same as you. Your role in this mission should be revealed soon. By the way, my name is Helena Zajic. [/color]

The hot coffee warms my body and awakes my sleepy and tired mind. I drink again and placed the mug in front of me while I watch around in the cantine trying to guess who will be the others participants in this mission.

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28/02/2011, 19:56
Jason Taverner

I appreciate your concern, Miss Zajic, but this is a matter I want to discuss directly to Sgt. Chard... Says the professor, with his voice trembling.

It´s weird to see such a large man as Taverner so nervous...

Cargando editor
28/02/2011, 19:45
Dannii Frye (engineer)

A shadow crossed the face of the girl for a moment, her expression became clearly upset as she hit the buttons on her little machine.

Damn it! What happened to this shit?

She closed the application and proceeded to initialize an operating system console, browsed a few seconds until she found the logs of the game.

Chance is in itself the proof of the existence of God, nothing is casual, so tell me now devil machine ... what you've done to my save?!

When she realized that she couldn't recover it again, or not at least in that place and not without die trying, she gave up and turned the device off. She held out her hand and and took the second shot of alcohol waiting at the bar table. She drank it on one sip and put the small glass down with a loud thump. At her side hung a worn leather bag, she slipped the lid up and took out a purse decorated with small cars and colored clouds, she took out a note and put it under the glass and withdrew from the bar.

She walked with casual steps towards the table where the large man who just arrived at the bar a few moments ago had sat down. Her cheeks flushed instinctively, in part by the effects of alcohol and by the social interaction she was about to begin.

And here I am again in front of a lot of new people. I wish I could adapt to them easily, perhaps by plugging to one of their ports and installing my divers in their Kernell. I'm not a complicated girl... and certainly my drivers would be open source.

Excuse me! - her sweet voice draws the attention of the people around the table - Hi guys! I just accidentally overheard you were waiting for Chard. Well...I´m too. May I join you?- And there was her dazzling smile, with the right amount of shyness, innocence and naivete  to shake the foundation of any man.

Cargando editor
28/02/2011, 20:47
Director

From the corner of her eye she sees the man who bumped into her earlier come running out from the restroom. He looks pale. He runs over to his friends and drags two of them with him back towards the restroom.

Notas de juego

Completed the partial makeover of your previous post. Mainly it had some his/her errors and tempus issues, past and present mix-ups.

I also changed the beginning of the first sentence. The "batter" I didn´t quite understand so I changed it to "filled it to the rim" meaning the cup got filled all the way.

Are you OK with these changes?

I don´t mind trying to help you. (I need to train my English as well, being Swedish and all.)

I WILL make errors myself. But as Internet etiquette states that one should never tell someone of writing errors I hope you see this as a learning experience.

One of the ideas with running this game here was to "get better" in English. That was discussed in the forum for keepers at this site.

And one more thing. Do you want your posts to be in present tense (now) or in past tense (happened before)? I usually write in present tense.

/Dave

Cargando editor
28/02/2011, 20:59
Peter Bishop, MD

Here, said Peter moving a chair for Dannii.

Please take a seat with the rest of us. We're all waiting for Sgt. Chard. I'm Peter.

Notas de juego

Aw, shucks! I prefer using bold for speaking to the colour thing.

It looks,... kinda gay.

Cargando editor
28/02/2011, 22:32

Getting up from her table, Camilla pushes the closest table to the first one. "Now we´ll have space enough." She nods at Frye coming to the table. "Hi there chica! Welcome to our meeting. Now we only need to know why we are here...or rather where we´re going."

There´s still no sign of anyone from Tri-Plan and none of the guests at the bar looks like an official who might know what´s going on. The guys at the bar quiet down somewhat and a couple of them leaves towards the restroom, close to the entrance.

 

Notas de juego

Yes, we could go with bold. Some of you veterans use that so I´ll join the majority. The colours are too much hassle to edit in anyway and this board will look like a rainbow before long ;-)

 

I´m here to guide you through this session. So I´d better make you feel comfortable and at home, right?

The rest of you do as you please.

Over and out!

Cargando editor
01/03/2011, 00:09
Dannii Frye (engineer)
Sólo para el director

Notas de juego

Hi Dave! I dont have any problem with the corrections. On the contrary i apreciated what your doing. If you dont mind i think that this is a great deal for me jejejejejeje xD.

I use to write in past tense, it is the natural tense for me. I do it in spanish too. I dont know if writing in present tense means making less mistakes, cause i will naturally turn to past tense when think about what i want to transmit :S ... however is a good option to make some changes and proobe new things. In spanish the tense is also a recurring theme and i would like to test if i can do it to the end.

¿Whats your advice?

 

In other matters with the first sentece of the first post i meant "The bouncer doors open suddenly let it in a blow of wind of fresh air" or somthing like that... in spanish: "Las puertas batientes se abrieron repentinamente, dejando entrar un soplo de aire fresco"... and google says: Swing doors suddenly opened, letting in a breath of fresh air.

 

 

I start to fall in love with my character xD... i really like to bring her to seroirus things, i still dont know how she will react against the myths.

 

PS: Thanks for everything.

 

Cargando editor
01/03/2011, 07:48
Director

 

[OOC]

 Lorelei wrote:

Narrative, description
speak
Whisper
Thoughts
SHOUT

 

Notas de juego

That seems to be the standard format used at this site, so us newcomers should stick to that. Thanks Lorena!

Cargando editor
01/03/2011, 11:04
Peter Bishop, MD

Cita:

Now we only need to know why we are here...or rather where we´re going.

Not long in the Army, I think, Miss Vasquez, says Peter reading her name in her tab.

Not having the faintest idea where in hell (literally) you're going to be sent is business as usual in the Army, I fear. Don't worry, you'll get used to it.

Cargando editor
01/03/2011, 15:22
Dimitri Molotov (comms)

Are we going to be in danger? Why are this security officers here. - I ask

Cargando editor
01/03/2011, 16:06
Dannii Frye (engineer)

-Thanks peter, and the rest too, thanks. People know me as Dannii... Nice to meet you all.

The girl sat down and turned tense, looking timidly figures of people who were around her without making contact with their gazes.

The Russian guy said something that Dannii could hardly understand, then noticed the UN official who were worried about something at his table, there was the man who hit her a few minutes ago. Something happened to them and in some ways for the girl she found it easier to focus on those distant men by people who were around. Although anyone can think that the girl wanted to flirt with that officer, but if so, Dannii would be the first to be surprised.

 

Cargando editor
01/03/2011, 20:25
Peter Bishop, MD

Cita:

Are we going to be in danger? Why are this security officers here

Peter looks at Dimitri as if looking to a man from Mars.

Danger?, he repeats. Where do you think you are, techie, the Salvation Army? Of course there'll be danger!, that's what we are here and not the top brass.