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Inglis pitinglis - Taller de inglés para Umbrianos

Feedback of Task nr 5 (Halloween)

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24/10/2016, 21:54
Tingwe

Cool stories Leonid & Faris, I'll read them again with a bit more time but at first read I really enjoyed them both!

Cargando editor
29/11/2016, 21:08
Tingwe

OK, here is some feedback. In general, the exercise turned out very nice. And I think it was fitting for the theme.

@Leonid: superb use of adjectives, which was one of the goals of this task. Flawless from what I can see. I really enjoy reading this, and to see words like "squinting", "scant light", "paramount" used in the appropriate sentence is truly awe-inspiring. Looking forward to your next story.

@Faris: cool use of the "letter-format". Good grammar in general. I noticed this:
*spended => spent
But that's about it, the rest looks good. And a very scary story also.

@Mooneyes: excellent! My memory is not very good, but I have a strong sense that you have improved a LOT in the last few months, or since we started. So whatever you are doing, keep it up!
*becoming to => I'm pretty sure the verb "to become" goes with "something". Not "become to something". If you use "to convert" for instance, then you can stick a preposition there. But not with "becoming"
I don't *see again => here I think you mean to say you don't LOOK again. To see is like the sense or capacity of being able to see. But to use your eyes and point your gaze at something, it's "to look". Or if you do that for a while or in a sort of intense way, then "to watch". If you keep doing that, you could become a stalker.
I would be able to accept I have to wait for a whole year => there is something wrong with this... Not sure what you mean to say.
**I don’t see again, because I would be able to accept I have to wait for a whole year**
=> I don't look again, because then I would have to accept I had to wait for another year [suggestion]

Ah, the story itself is very good. One thing to consider is to write Darkness with a capital letter. You know, as if it was a person.

@Melpo: nice short story. Some things I underlined:
done a sound => made a sound
his grandparents => I think you meant to say "their grandparents"...
woody destination => this sounds awkward. It makes me think of something else. Not sure. Just sounds weird. It's correct from a grammar point of view.

@saecel: sorry, I wanted to comment on all the stories today but before I only had my cell phone and I cannot see the videos on it. Now I can, but I need a moment for the story to sink in. That is a good thing :)