Partida Rol por web

All of you went through the door and arrived at a huge room. A room, well, it would be only an expression, because it was as you were in the ocean: you only could see a deep blue horizont, and only sand beneath your feet. A total silence filled up this weird ocean.

You stopped for having lunch some of the food Aggantoss had given you, between dunes and silence, and you walked again later.

You saw the door from a distance: it was only an arch and a wooden door, surrounded by a cloud of mosquitoes. Nevertheless,they weren't mosquitoes: the cloud was made of strange bugs which were floating in the air and looking at you, motionless.

You approached to the door, but it was locked: a shine metal lock kept closed it.

All of you went through the door and arrived at a huge room. A room, well, it would be only an expression, because it was as you were in the ocean: you only could see a deep blue horizont, and only sand beneath your feet. A total silence filled up this weird ocean.

You stopped for lunching (having lunch) some of the food Aggantoss had given you, between dunes and silence, and you walked again later.

You saw the door from a distance: it was only a (an) arch and a wooden door, surrounded by a mosquitos cloud (mosquito cloud or cloud fo mosquitoes). Nevertheless, they weren't mosquitos (mosquitoes): a  (mejor "the" ¿no?) cloud (was) made of extrange (strange) bugs, floating in the air, motionless was looking at you.

For good sake...what on earth are those things? mussed Esteban still didnt beliving what his eyes were seeing ok, i hate bugs but this is overkill I think shuddered the young boy having a chill runing low his spine.

And in the name of the sanity what is that thing? pointed to the odd thing in front of him; the one that look like a mix between a door knob and some kind of fat mamal...

Well, clearly we're not on Earth, so I don't know if these things live there - said Bruce, after the expression used by Esteban.

He kept watching the landscape as the children walked it. It was beautiful, yet they didn't know what hid near, so Bruce thought it was better to keep close and alert.

Then he saw the little bugs, which were near the door.They were so cute! But of course, he didn't know if they stung or something like that, so he just watched them... 

Do not touch them, Bruce. They may go mad!

"Please, we've to go out here", Abigail cried, "This... things may be the Shadows again and they'll take us as Beatrice"

She got closer to the door and tried to open it, but she couldn't. Then she went around the door, looking anxiously.

"Where is the key?", she asked while she began to remove the sand near her."Maybe it's here, hidden in the sand."

I had doubts about the place, but when I saw that kind of... Bugs, I seriously questioned if we were underwater. Because, how could they fly? They didn't have any wings... And for some reason, they reminded me of some kind of fish.
-Are we... Underwater?- I whispered to myself, as I got closer to one of the creatures to inspect it, to investigate them in detail and to see if they had anything interesting.

Wouldnt it be under the sand? raised a brown Esteban but when Abigail retold the missing girl he shuddered...damn, he was doing such a good job forgeting that part of this little quest..

Err...yeah...the soon we get out here the better...Does anyone of you know a form of get rid of those things? pointed to the bugs I mean sound or something..the rest could search in the sand for a key..

Nicholas used to hunt down wild animals and yell to them or even throwing little rocks at them, but surprisingly this time, he was so surprised by the strange mosquitoes that he forgot to bother them. He even approached to the cloud and asked aloud - what if they know where it is? - Do you? - he added speaking directly to the mosquitoes.
 

You got closer the animals (if you could call them "animals"), asking them if they knew where the key was. You loooked at their jelly bodies which were floating in the air, and then you realized that their body contained stuff of all sort: toys, mobile phones, empty cans, chess figures and... and a key: one of them had a key into it.

- Oh! now I see you! you are a bunch of gluttons! - Nick was pointing at the cloud of "mosquitoes", when the other children looked at him, they realized he was indeed pointing at one of them in particular - only them, they could find the missing key, in its round little belly.

- Give it to me now! - yelled Nick while approaching the animals with his hands extended before him.

While Nick was trying unluckily to convince the bugs to give him the key, Abigail stopped searching the sand and got closer to the door.

"Yes, I think it's the correct key, but I won't touch them, they make me sick!" she said.

Woah...nice Nick thats some eyesight you have smiled Esteban focusing his eyes en the belly of the mosquitoes however be careful something tells me this things are violent if you touch them...

Anyone have honey or something like that?, perhaps if they are full we could take out the key...Esteban Shudder at the thought of touch such things.... 

Whyle (WHILE) Nick was trying unlackily  (UNLUCKILY) to convince the bugs to give him the key, Abigail stop (STOPPED, está todo en pasado ¿no?) to search (SEARCHING) in the sand and got closer TO the door.

"Yes, I think it's the correct key, but I won't touch them, they make me sick!" she said.

En la última parte pones "me ponen enferma" (el equivalente a "me dan asco") ¿Querrías decir "me pondría enferma" (de enfermedad no de asco)", eso último sería un condicional: they would make me/you sick/ill

Esteban is right! Perhaps we should give the little animal something to eat so he would... Well, do its needs... And then we could get the key. If only we know what they like to eat!

"Great Nick!" Exclamed the girl."Well, we've the food the magician gave us. If you want, we could try with it."

Abigail took the food from inside her bag. It was some kind of bread, dark and fragant. She broke a piece and threw it.

The weird bugs began to move, like little octopus, swimming in the air, and they moved to the bread and started eating as lions on a zebra.

Well done! It's almost perfectly written

Lo único, supongo que pretendes decir "threw" (tiró) y no "through" (a través)

to throw, threw, trown

Pues ahora me entero, porque realmente mezclo las palabras por afinidad fonética y he confundido las 2 XDD